I really don't even know anymore, I just don't. I just want this to finish and end. I probably failed my math class (just barely) which means that I only have 9 hours out of the 12 I need to get TOPS back (I'm on probation or something for that already). My mom is a prime candidate for a heart attack, I probably gained a shit ton of pounds from starving myself at school and then gorging on fatty things to make myself feel better. I’m in the TF2 fandom and I don’t even enjoy rping as Spy anymore, I have five muses and I have no muse for any of them, I have five rp accounts and I don’t rp on any of them. I don’t find enjoyment of this anymore. I’m in college and I’ve already failed a class in my first semester (a year ago), got put in Honors probation a semseter ago and then dropped out of Honors completely, probably failed my math class this semester, I’m not going to graduate in four years because i’m not even getting 12 hours a semester, and I have Spanish and Biology that I haven’t even touched yet (both subjects which are extremely hard for me). Just a few minutes ago I asked my dad to turn a light off and he got mad about something I did and it snowballed and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m crying and highly upset; even if I do manage to graduate in under ten years, English majors don’t get jobs, there isn’t anything out there for us. I’m probably going to die in a ditch before I’m thirty and that is what I have to look forward to.
I have work on monday (7 and a half hours!!!!) and wednesday (6 hours), neither of which I am emotionally ready for. I’m short, fat, my parents are old and I’m probably going to lose them within twenty years or so, right when most kids’ parents are just getting into the age my parents are now. I just realized my parents do not care about me at all, they just care about how I look to other people. They are thinking of putting me out, knowing damn well that I have literally no other place to go to. I am highly upset and crying right now and the last thing they are thinking of is comforting me. TL;DR: TF2 is the only thing I have going for me right now, I like working in a team that I’m emotionally connected to because it makes me feel somewhat ok, but other than that I’m just going to die in a ditch one day. I am just done, and I want this to end.